Sometimes kids think they know everything, and then words of wisdom are given freely on Craig's List, and the kids don't understand.
See if you can tell what the author is trying to tell everyone. Steve from www.taint-band.com tells it like it is once more. Click here for his other article on why bands break up. He just has to become a regular columnist. Clear, funny, and experienced!
I would love to conduct an experiment where one of these Supernova wannabees writes down their "progress" in making his/her rock dreams come true in a journal for all of us to read, so that future music hacks will just stick to their day jobs. The journal would probably go something like this:
Day 1: At a house party last night, after we were all high, I broke out my acoustic and totally jammed some cool tunes out for people. Everyone kept bugging to do something with my music, so I finally broke down and put an AD on Craig's List today. Hopefully, this will be just the jump-start I need to take my gift of music seriously.
Day 2: I got 8 responses from drummers and 3 from guitar players. Didn’t the guitarists read the AD? It said that I played guitar. Oh, well. Maybe one of them will switch to bass? I got some response from a chick that is looking to front a band, but I want a dude to bring some testicular passion to my lyrics. I didn’t even ask for a female singer. Isn’t that odd?
Day 3: My landlord said that it would NOT be OK to practice in my apartment, so it looks like I'm going to have to get a rehearsal space. I have a lead about some place in Allston called the Sound Museum. My girlfriend is going to drive me there after work.
Day 4: The good news is that I found a space. The bad news is that it costs $500 a month and it smells like urine and Febreeze. I guess you have to spend money to make money...right?
Day 5: I moved my stuff into the rehearsal space today. Sweet. I also emailed the guys who are interested in the band and told them to come down to audition. I decorated the place with Nirvana and Alice in Chains posters. I used some milk crates so we can put beers and stuff on.
Day 6: Only 3 guys actually showed up to audition. Chickens! This one drummer kept asking me where the bassist was at. Who cares? I'm hiring you; just do your freaking job! We'll find a bassist there sticks, don't you worry.
Day 7: Finally decided on a drummer. He was cool. Only guy that wasn't criticizing my playing. His name is Jeff and he has a goatee to hide his second chin.
Day 8: Jeff and me just jammed today. We think we have at least 40 songs. I really think this is going to happen!
Day 9: Jeff and I listened to some guitarists. Some guy was from Berklee and was talking about notes and stuff and I just told him that Sebastian Bach can’t read music and look how famous he is. So there ya go Quincy Jones! We settled on a guy named Dale who also works as an IT guy, so he can do our website for free! I'm going to share the guitar duties with Dale.
Day 10: Put an AD on Craig's List looking for a bass guitar player. I should get 100 responses since the AD was so totally awesome. You'd have to be a shmuck not to want to get aboard this train before it leaves the station.
Day 11: Jeff, Dale and I just jammed.
Day 12: Jeff, Dale and I just jammed.
Day 13: Jeff, Dale and I just jammed.
Day 14: Jeff, Dale and I just jammed...
…Day 30: Rent is due.
Day 31: After having no luck in finding someone to throw down some bottom, I've decided to play bass myself. It should be easier since there's 2 less strings.
Day 32: I bought a 4-string Epiphone bass today. Thing is so cool. I can't wait to show the band. It looks like a giant hatchet.
Day 33: We decided on a name today: Shredded Mucous. Dale is going to register the domain name and then we can start soliciting work.
Day 34: My girlfriend’s sister's boyfriend is in some stupid cover band. Don’t ask me how, but they play in Boston for some cool money and we're going to check out their show at Ned Devine's tonight. Hopefully, he'll give me some contacts that I can use for gigs.
Day 35: Went to go see that cover band last night. It took us 45 minutes in line just to get in the place. They played every queer song in the book, "Summer of 69," "Pour Some Sugar on Me," "Faith." All of it: Crap. I've never seen so many people getting off at such insipid songs. I couldn’t find my girlfriend all night. Anyway, the guy gave me the name of his booking agent. This is it baby. In 2 years, this guy's band will be covering OUR songs!
Day 36: Got in touch with the booking agent and he wants our press kit which means we have to make a demo and take pictures. Damn. Between the rent, my new bass and this demo, I'm going to be broke. Good thing I'm picking up some extra shifts at Kinko’s.
Day 37: Dale, Jeff and I had rehearsal and wrote this really cool tune called, “Bush Isn’t My President.” Probably our best song yet. Things are really coming together. It's definitely going on the new demo.
Day 38: Found a guy that runs a studio and he's agreed to cut a demo for $20 bucks an hour. That's pretty good. We can play all of the songs in 15 minutes, so it should only cost $50 tops.
Day 39: Had to change the name of our band because www.shreddedmucous.com, .net, and .org are all taken. Some kind of bio laboratory... We're now known as "Sidewalk Mucous." Dale is working on the site now.
Day 40: Jeff couldn't practice today because he had to work late, so we cancelled rehearsal. It really pisses me off because he claimed to be dedicated.
Day 41: We go into the studio tomorrow. I'm planning a CD release party. There's this place called All Asia that is a huge club for original bands. I'm going to go over there and see if I can't get us a gig. Maybe I’ll tape some posters up on some telephone poles. Y’Know…a little grass roots marketing.
Day 42: Wow. We went into the studio and the engineer, Toshii Kaz, totally hooked us up. After we recorded the songs, he sat with me and meticulously went over every part. He was able to fix everything with Pro Tools. Great guy. It's nice to meet people in the business that you can respect and relate to. He's going to send the bill tomorrow.
Day 43: Toshii is a TOOL! He charged me for "mixing" and "mastering." What mixing and mastering? We totally nailed the takes. He wants $500 dollars for the master. Christ. I have to pay him because we need that CD to get work. What an A**hole!
Day 44: Used the printers at work to make some sweet press kits. All we need is a B&W picture. I can use my digital camera and throw it through Photoshop.
Day 45: We had our photo shoot today. We laid across some railroad tracks for a real cool look. All I have to do now is make some hard copies and we can get that booking agent our kits.
Day 46: I ran over from work and got that agent our kits. He’s going to shop us around to all the big clubs in Boston. Hello world...Ned Devine’s…hello Grand Canal…hello Bell in Hand! $$$$$
Day 47: The booking agent called and said that he doesn't book original bands. He asked if we knew any covers, so I guess we should learn some stuff that all the girls like to dance to like, Soundgarden, Zepp and Maiden.
Day 48: Having some trouble learning the covers. I'm getting the feeling that the other guys just aren't practicing. I know I come to practices ready to go. I can't figure out their deal. Either they have the desire to make it big, or not.
Day 49: Screw the booking agent. We just got our first gig at All Asia by our own damned selves, baby. It's this Wednesday night from 7:47 until 8:32 p.m. We are totally going to rock out with our cocks out! My girlfriend is going to bring 2 of her friends to the show and my roommates should be there as well.
Day 50: Jeff quit the band today. He said he has too much between work and his girlfriend to commit to a full-time project. Crap. I'll put an AD on Craig's List tomorrow looking for a drummer. It’ll probably read like this,
“Original Metal band looking for kick-ass drummer. Must have dedication, skills and ability to play hard and furious. This band is going places. Just released debut CD and have gigs booked. Don’t let this opportunity pass by.”
Think I’ll get any responses?